BDSM

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All about BDSM

What is BDSM?

BDSM is an erotic sexual activity, involving in consensual power plays by two or more partners. BDSM full form is- Bondage & Discipline/ Dominance & Submission/ Sado-Masochism. Means a BDSM play include bondage, discipline, dominance and submission to make the sexual life more erotic and better. One partner control and dominant another partner to make them sexually active. The Dominant is responsible for administering the act, while the submissive receives the administered act.

BDSM is centered on the implication or reception of physical, psychological and emotional pain during the act of sex. It is intended to provide mutual enjoyment to both or more partners involved. BDSM is not limited to men or women, it can also happen between two lesbian or gay partners. If any one of the partner is not ready to give or receive physical or psychological stimulation, then it ceases to be defined under BDSM.

Many people assume that those indulge in BDSM are some sort of psychopaths or are plain abnormals. But it is not the case always. There are conclusive evidence to prove that majority of BDSM enthusiasts across the world are mentally as healthy as every other individuals. Only that they find conventional sex unfulfilling and want something more intense and powerful. For BDSM enthusiasts, it is just another way of experiencing sexual pleasure, as simple as that.

Remember, we had times when homosexuality and oral sex were considered ‘perverse’ and ‘abnormal’. But times has changed and so does people’s perception about these things. Similarly BDSM is beginning to be accepted as an intense form of sex.

BDSM relationships vary from other sexual relationships as there is a dominant and submissive partner in BDSM. In other sexual relationships, there is no clear dominant or submissive partner.

BDSM Categories

Within BDSM there are several subcategories including

  • bondage & discipline
  • dominance and submission
  • sadism and masochism.

Bondage and discipline involves tying the partner’s limbs together. This can include use of handcuffs, ropes or chains. Discipline, on the other hand, refers to psychological restraint or use of physical punishment such as whipping.

Dominance and submission involves more mental aspects such as giving or receiving control of one partner over another.

Sadism and masochism, sometimes shortened to sadomasochism, refers to the exchange of physical or emotional pain. Sadism is the pleasure someone derives from inflicting pain upon a partner. On the other hand, in masochism the partner gains pleasure from being hurt.

BDSM has become an accepted way of sexual life for many and people who are participating in it know very well that the end goal is always to enjoy sexual pleasure by the use of different types of BDSM accessories or toys. So, all participants should operate within the accepted guidelines and rules laid down by BDSM practitioners worldwide. This has nothing to do with real life sadism which is done only with an aim to see others tremble in pain, both physical and psychological.

History of BDSM

The first ever BDSM practice dates back to 5th Century BC. An archaeological discovery of textural records containing images of whippings and flagellation are proof that BDSM existed much before we anticipated. The images clearly show that it is for erotic purposes. BDSM in India too is pretty old. The mention about hitting, biting and pinching can be included as part of the lovemaking in the ancient Indian sexual manual ‘Kamasutra’ can be taken as modern day BDSM. It is clear that BDSM is the ultimate act in sex, which only few dare to attempt.

Ancient Greek art depicts BDSM. European references relating to BDSM dates back to the 15th century. But BDSM actually flowered during the 18th century, when some European brothels began specializing in restraint, flagellation and other “punishments” that “dominant” women meted out to willingly “submissive” men. So, it is clear that BDSM existed much before and has been in practice for several centuries.

BDSM is All about TRUST

BDSM is generally perceived as abusive and weird that it is all about whips, chains and pain. But, it is actually about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.

Many people consider BDSM perverted, dehumanizing, or worse. But aficionados call it the most loving, nurturing, intimate form of human contact and play. People can have sex without conversation, negotiation, or any emotional connection. But in BDSM, players always arrange things in advance with clear, intimate communication, which creates a special erotic bond.

Safety in BDSM

BDSM is not to be mistaken as something ‘mean’ or ‘aggressive behaviour’ or ‘inflicting pain’.

BDSM places emphasis on consent. This is what differentiates BDSM activities from domestic abuse, where one person is intentionally abusive. BDSM practitioners operate using a set of rules and regulations. There are ‘safe words’ that a partner can use during the session to stop or withdraw when the action becomes too intense or too painful to handle.

‘No’ or ‘Please stop’ or ‘Don’t do it’ are not commonly used safe words, which partners may be using playfully during a session. Using “red” or “yellow” is a commonly used ‘safe word’. When a partner utters ‘Red’ it means he or she wants to activity to be stopped immediately. When ‘yellow’ is said, it means he or she wants the other one to slow down on the act.

Practitioners stress the importance of safety and consent in BDSM. There are several phrases that are used such as “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk aware consensual kink.” These ideals stress that all aspects of play are discussed beforehand to ensure every act is performed with complete consent of those involved.

According to experts, BDSM, when practiced in a safe, consensual manner, can bring a relationship between partners to new levels of intimacy. BDSM is all about trying out any kink and to be safe about it.

BDSM Types or Gadgets of BDMS

Various types of BDSM toys are available to enhance the quality and intensity of BDSM sex play. Some of the major categories of BDSM toys include:

  • Bondage Toys
  • Handcuffs
  • Spankers and Ticklers
  • Blindfolds, Masks and Gags
  • Nipple and Clitoral Toys
  • Cock and Ball Toys
  • Electro and Medical Fetish
  • Chastity Devices
  • Bondage Rope and Tape
  • Ball Gag
  • Red Hoipping
  • Bondage Tape
  • Kikkou Bondage Belt

Let us see each one of the above in detail.


BONDAGE TOYS

The term bondage refers to physical abstinence. Bondage toys allow you to exercise control over your partner by restraint. These toys allow you and your partner to explore the deep desires of executing control (master) or being controlled (slave). Bondage toys are the first step to BDSM practice and one or more bondage toys will feature in the arsenal of every BDSM practitioners.

Bondage accessories are used to tie up and restraint the movement of the partner. A couple can use different types of bondage accessories such as handcuffs, blindfolds, restraints, ropes gags etc., to bind the partner. Many people are excited about getting bound to a place or cot. It is also the type of toys even beginners try to feel the excitement. Bondage is often considered as the first step to BDSM.

Why people like bondage toys?

Bondage makes people become completely helpless and this gives them a special feeling. Some people find this extremely satisfying as they prefer to be exploited being absolutely powerless. Many women fantasize about having painful sex and bondage helps them live their fantasy and enjoy the fun in reality. For the dominant partner, the obsession to be in complete control over the other partner drives them crazy as they are able to actually enjoy it through bondage. When your partner is tied and movement severely restricted, you can do anything you want and that gives a brutal power of domination which allows them to enjoy bondage to a great extent. Bondage helps people experience explosive orgasm as they are able to live their fantasy.

TYPES OF BONDAGE

There are varieties of bondage equipment and gears are available in the market. The bondage equipment is available with the different colour, shape, size, style and textures.

  1. Dentists / Fetters – Dentist is used over the mouth like a gag. Fetter is used over the wrist and ankle. A couple can also use both dentists and fetters to restrain the whole body by combining both.
  2. Mouth Gag – It has a ball with straps that restrict the movement of mouth and make breathing little difficult. It is a device that is strapped over the mouth
  3. Restraint / support – Both whole body restraint and or bondage tape can be included in this category. The restraint can be worn in the whole body or in a particular portion. Beginners can also use it, only thing is that care should be taken that partner doesn’t get hurt.
  4. Bondage Costume - Bondage costume and bondage dresses are a type of the costume which cover whole body part or some particular part of the body. Bondage costume is available in varieties of size, so the users can choose the correct sized costume to enjoy the act.
  5. Mask / Blindfold / Mask – Blindfold is one of the popular BDSM gear. It is made with soft materials so that people can use it comfortably. These are perfect BDSM accessories for the beginner couples. Blind folds allow one partner to keep guessing what the next move is going to be and this provides great excitement. Blindfolds are also worn during oral sex and role plays.

Precautions to follow while using Bondage toys

  • Couples should keep the necessary safety kit with them before using bondage toys
  • Users should not tie kidney, neck or other sensitive parts of the body
  • When restraints with keys are used, a couple should keep one pair of key safely in case of emergency. Users should check whether key is working fine before using it.
  • If one partner is not feeling comfortable or shows signs of irritation, then the act should be stopped immediately.
  • It is important to read the instructions of each bondage equipment thoroughly before using it

How to Choose Bondage Toys

In the market varieties of bondages accessories are available. It is important for the couple to select the correct equipment that can make them feel comfortable and can get pleasure out of it. They can also choose the ones that fit their size and material that is comfortable to both partners.

How to Decide on Bondage?

In bondage both partners should participate equally. When one assumes the position of master, then the other should be the salve. Bondage sex is something that can be done if both partners have mutual trust and understanding. While many men prefer to be a slave and love to be tied up by their women, it may not be the case always. According to surveys many women have reported to shown great interest in being tied up and enjoy rough sex. But in general, it may not be the case always. So, couples should decide mutually and then can indulge in it accordingly. They can also choose to reverse their role play and enjoy pleasure.

Bondage Sexual Positions

There are some recommended bondage positions. Let us see some of them.

Spread Eagle Bondage Position – It is all about restricting partners hands and legs to the four corners of the bed. It can be facing up or facing down, whichever is comfortable with the partner. Ropes and handcuffs can be used for this exciting position.

Bent Over Bondage Position – Here one partner will be made to bend down facing the ground like a downward-facing dog. Then hands and legs of the partner will be restricted in that position using tape or rope and ticklers or spankers are used to inflict pain.

Chair Bondage Position – A partner is restricted to a chair in the sitting position with their hands, legs, upper body and head tied. While normal home chairs can be used, but exclusive bondage chairs are also available for this specific purpose.

Arm Binder Gag Bondage Position – It is a position that involves gagging and restricting hands and shoulder by tying them behind the neck and using gag over the mouth. This position may not be suitable for the beginners as they may find it bit difficult.

Leapfrog Bondage Position – It is tying both hand and legs together. Mouth gags, blindfolds or masks can also be used in this position. Try this position only on a bed.

Hogtie Bondage Position - This involves tying both hands and both legs together on the back. This position is suitable only for those who loves to feel helpless. Hogtie position is to tie both

Eiffel Tower Bondage position - Eiffel Tower position resembles the Eiffel Tower. The slave's both hands are tied together and hold it above the head and both legs are spread wide.

Lotus Bondage Position - One partner is made to sit by placing both ankles in opposite thighs. Crossed legs would be tied, hands tied to the back and upper body shows the breasts. It resembles the lotus yoga position. It is difficult is to stay for longer in this position.


HANDCUFFS

Handcuffs allow people to explore new sensations during their sexual practice. Handcuffs provide restraints and are used on hands, wrists, ankles, legs etc., Handcuffs are made in varieties of materials such as soft leather, metal, plastic, feather etc., The materials are usually soft and of high quality.

In the market varieties of bondage cuffs are available. The different types of bondage cuffs are handcuffs, leg cuffs, thumb cuffs, harness gag, testicle cuffs etc. Handcuffs are regarded as a good toy for beginners to enter into BDSM sex play. Before indulging in handcuffs, beginners should know safe ways to handle them.

Handcuffs are often used in combination with other BDSM toys such as Masks and Gags, Bondage Rope and tape. When the limbs are restrained, then the dominant partner can use vibrators and dildos to provide external stimulation and it would be a great fun, as the hands and legs cannot be moved by your partner and you are free to play on his or her body.

Types of Handcuffs

Handcuffs/Wristcuffs

These are generally made with two cuffs and both cuffs are linked by a chain. There are three types of handcuffs is available - chain, hinged and rigid. After fixing the handcuff it can be locked which can restrict the movement of hands.

Legcuffs/Anklecuffs

Legcuffs is very similar to the handcuffs but instead of wearing it in a hand, people wear it around the ankles. Leg cuffs have two cuffs and both the cuffs are connected with a long chain. A user would be able to walk easily with a leg cuff on, but they may not be able to run. It is used to restrict the movement of one partner.

Fingercuffs/ Thumbcuffs

Fingercuffs is also called the scuff or thumb cuffs. While using the finger cuffs, it is important for the user to select the correct size because it places a burden on the finger. Most people don’t use it so that it is not very popular among BDSM users.

Material and Strength

Handcuffs are available in varieties of materials such as metal, canvas, leather, plastic, hemp, silk, Velcro, rubber etc., and users can also select the type of handcuffs based on its strength. There are three types of handcuffs available based on the weight and strength.

Light Weight Handcuffs – made using fabric, silk, rubber etc., It is easy for common users and perfect for beginners

General Strength Handcuffs – Made using nickel, leather, Velcro, plastic etc., It is suitable for both beginners and experienced users.

High Strength Handcuffs – These are the strongest and are made of metal. It is suitable only for people with lot of experience in BDSM. It is better for beginners not to try this type.

Shape

Handcuffs can also be chosen based on the shape as it comes in varieties of shape. Some of the most popular ones include:

Chain Type Handcuffs – Both handcuffs are connected by a short chain. It provides some amount of freedom.

Hinged Type Handcuffs – It is little hard to break and provide lesser degree of freedom

Leather Handcuffs – Made using Latigo leather, this type is durable and dynamic. User need to clean it before and after every use

How to Use Handcuffs?

Communicate - Mutual trust plays an important role in BDSM sex play. Take time to first discuss with your partner about the kind of bondage, handcuffs and everything else that you are going to use. Get consent, create boundaries and safe word for safety and best bondage sex play. It is recommended to start the play slowly and make sure your partner is comfortable about it.

Pick your preferred Handcuff - Though there are multiple varieties of handcuffs available, you both can choose the one that are comfortable to you. Choosing a cheap or rough handcuff can inflict bruises or cut injuries in your wrist or hurt the other partner during the sexual activity.

Choose the comfortable position - Before putting handcuff on, make sure your partner knows in which position his or her is going to be handcuffed. You can handcuff your partner with her hands above head, behind back, crossed hands, hands and legs tied together etc., and always choose the one that you both are comfortable with.

Include other accessories - To make your handcuffs more interesting, it is important to include other bondage accessories such as blindfold, mouth gags etc., This can add more fun during handcuff play.

Precautions

Handcuffs are bit more complicated compared to tape and other things. Make sure your partner is comfortable with the type of handcuff that is used. Choose a familiar handcuff type and avoid to use double locking mechanism or some advanced models which may put too much pressure on hands. If your cuffs have the key, make sure it is at a safe and secure place. Do not restrict the partner too tight.


SPANKERS & TICKLERS

The Spanker is a BDSM sex toy that is used to hit the opponent. The hit can be light or strong. It is done during the sexual activity to enhance pleasure. Though spankers can be used by both men and women, mostly spankers are used by male partners to exercise their domination over their female partner. Usually men spank on the butts of women as women can bear the pain and it doesn’t cause any mark visible to others. A couple can use the spanker during the role play as a punishment in a BDSM scenario or even during intercourse to increase the sensation.

Spankers and Tickers belong to the different side of BDSM play. It is not part of the bondage. It doesn’t restrict any sensation, rather helps the users get more sensation. It is part of the kinky sex play.

During sexual activity when people get spanked using spankers then it causes the rush of the blood to the particular area of the body which enhances the sensation and gives them an exciting feeling. Spankers and Ticklers are often paired with dildos, vibrators and other toys for excitement. Spanking can increase the blood flow and activate the nerve ends.

If you haven’t received spanking before or used spankers on your partner, then the best way is to use it on hand first. Rub their hand slightly and spank lightly in the upward motion. Once the partner gets comfortable with it, they you can use it to the sensitive part of the body with harder or more frequent lashes.

What is a Tickler?

Tickler is a BDSM sex toy that is used to tickle the partner. It comes with a long, thin handle with a soft and smooth feather on other side. Some are shaped like a feather duster. It is used to tickle the partner’s skin and are generally used during the foreplay to for enhancing pleasure.

A tickler can be applied on the sensitive parts of the body such as armpits, arms, inner thighs, nipples, thighs, clitoris, nipples, penis, testicles etc., for generating arousing sensations and pleasurable feelings. Ticklers come in different weights and patterns that can allow the user to try different strokes over their partner.

Spankers and Ticklers do not belong to the bondage category. These are intended to explore the sweet side of torment or pain and allow you to get more acquainted to something that turns you ON the most. Spankers and Ticklers are using along with other bondage toys that restraints movements. When bondage is applied restricting the movement of limbs, then spankers and ticklers are used to inflict pain and pleasant sensation as the submissive partner couldn’t stop.

Different Types of Spankers

There are varieties of spankers and ticklers available in the market. A couple can select the spanker and tickler according to their need, choice and budgets. Spankers are available in different materials and each material gives different sensations when it comes to contact with the skin.

Leather - The leather spankers looks very sexy. It provides a stingy sensation during the BDSM sex play and it is best suited for the beginners.

Rubber – Rubber spankers are thick and dense. It provides an intense sensation. It is ideal for beginners and those with little BDSM experience

Wood - Wood spankers are hard, heavy hitting, thick and often wide. It provides a deep and intense pain. It is suitable only for experienced users.

Different Types of Ticklers

Leather - Leather Tickles provide pleasure feeling and it is suitable for both beginners and experienced couples.

Feathers - Feather tickler is one of the most common and popular ticklers. It is non-intimidating and provides a unique sensation and enhances pleasure during sexual activity.

Animal Tails – Some of the ticklers are made using animal tails. During sexual activity, people use the tip of the tickler to tease the sensitive part of the skin in a circular motion for unique sensation and pleasure feeling. Stroking with the animal's fur provides the silky, incredibly stimulating and smooth feeling. It is best suited for beginners.

How to use Spankers?

Before trying to use, it is important to know how to use Spankers properly.

  • Before starting discuss with your partner and find his or her comfort level. Fix some safe word with regard to when to stop or slow down.
  • Warm up the area where you will spanking. Massage and caress the area before spanking.
  • The ultimate spanking sweet spot is the area between the buttocks and upper thigh.
  • Do not spank over the kidney areas, joints, back, neck, etc. Be careful about the genitals.
  • Start with the gentle spanks. Keep communication with the partner, during a spanking, before and after as well.

How to use Ticklers?

It is to show etiquette to first discuss with your partner whether he or she is ready for tickling. Use the best tickler or buy your most favourite tickler type.

  • Start Start tickling from head to toe.
  • It is also a good choice to tickle the sensitive part, it develops extra sensation in a partner and makes him/her arouse.
  • Pay attention to the partner's reaction and manage to tickle according to it.
  • Also try ticking with Blindfolds, Rope, Bondage Tape, etc. for extra sensation
  • Ticklers may not hurt in any way, tickling leads to the laughing and a lot of fun, but still you should follow the partner's safe word.
  • Always use body safe ticklers. Tickler available in many types and material.