Ultimate Guide to Bondage Sex

If you are thinking about bondage sex and wanted to know more about it, then you are not alone. It is quite common to think about bondage sex as it will expose you to a new level of pleasure that is way above regular bedroom sex.

Bondage is very much part of human erotic almanac and it is been there in vogue for centuries. You can find mention about bondage sex in arts, literature and even in sculptures in temples as it was very much part of ancient Indian sexual history.

A recent survey conducted by Durex in over 70 countries reveal that 20 percent of people use bondage tools like blindfolds, masks, handcuffs and other restraints to enjoy higher level of sexual pleasure. Proliferation of bondage tools in online platforms has allowed many couples to try bondage sex and thus number of couples who indulge in bondage is increasing at a rapid pace. The book 50 Shades of Grey shook the world and has driven bondage sex into the mainstream. Today, thousands of bondage products are sold in Amazon and other online platforms.

As there are countless products available today, one cannot use all. Choosing the right bondage tool is vital and it should be done in accordance with physical endurance and sexual appetite of both partners involved. Further, there are no ‘how to use’ bondage books available for you to make informed buying decisions.

Hence, we are providing you with a practical and all inclusive guide with regard to the usage of various bondages and derive maximum pleasure in bed. Whether you just want to tickle your girlfriend or give your partner hair rising intimacy or unleash your wild fantasy, you can find answer to all of those and more in this guide.

The guide will also help you know about incredible physical and psychological benefits of indulging in bondage sex and also safe ways to enjoy your deepest sexual fantasies with your partner. This guide is intended to provide comprehensive information related to bondage sex, on all aspects. We are hopeful that indulging in bondage sex will strengthen your relationship and allow it to reach new levels of trust, intimacy and love.

Disclaimer: This guide is strictly for information purpose only. If you find any of the methods given herein uncomfortable or unsafe, you are expected to consult your physician. You are advised to indulge in safe bondage limits, which can vary with couples.

Before we begin, let us first understand

What is bondage?

Bondage is a popular sexual practice in which one restrains the bodily movements of his or her partners with consent by tying up or using appropriate bondage gadgets or tools. The common objective of bondage is to enhance the erotic stimulation of both partners, the one restrains and the one being restrained.

If you are thinking that bondage involves tying up your partner using a rope, handcuff or other specially designed restrains, then there is more to it. Bondage consists of wide range of sexual practices including dirty talk, role plays, sensory deprivation, orgasm control, punishments and more. Some people get animalistic pleasure by confining their partner’s movements, which give them a kick to explore more and indulge in lovemaking with greater intensity.

What are the benefits of indulging in bondage?

Bondage sex offers many physical and psychological benefits to couples. We shall see some of the key benefits below.

Rush of adrenaline and thrill – Bondage sex provides a rush of adrenaline and makes both partners enjoy a thrilling time in bed as they realize their deep seated sexual fantasies. It provides them an amazing satisfaction and feeling of happiness once after the finish.

Enhances your sensuality – Indulging in bondage has proven to enhance couples’ sensitivity to hearing and touch. You both being to notice even smaller sounds and sensations that you may miss otherwise. It is as simple as that, when you close your eyes, your other senses like hearing, smell and touch increases. Similarly indulging in bondage sex enhances your sensuality and makes you more receptive to erotic sensations. An American research has reiterated that bondage sex alters the flow of blood to the brain cells, creating a state of heightened consciousness similar to a runner’s high.

Enhances overall well-being – When tied up and spanked, brain releases feel-good hormone ‘serotonin’ and ‘dopamine’, a happy hormones, making your partner feel the sense of job, well-being and self-confidence. During bondage sex, the endorphin rush makes the pain pleasurable.

Strengthens overall relationship – A 2013 Journal of Sexual Medicine study reiterated that bondage sex help couples build trust far more effectively and had a better health and well-being compared to couples who indulged in normal sex. Indulging in bondage sex with a partner enhances trust, love and overall bond between couples as both receive extraordinary pleasure during intimacy. It is also reported to enhance overall health and well-being of both partners.

A 2016 study found that bondage helps couples come closer by improving their communication and lowering their cortisol levels by reducing their stress and anxiety levels. Researchers found that during bondage sex, brain releases a hormone called vasopressin which makes couples feel attracted to each other and feel a stronger sense of bonding.

Now you are aware of the benefits of bondage sex, and you are convinced that you wanted to indulge in bondage sex. But do you know how to discuss this with your partner.

How to discuss bondage sex with your partner?

Though many men have secret desire to indulge in bondage sex, many do not know how to discuss this with their partner and coerce them to indulge in it willingly. There is a lot of misconception about bondage sex and many women equate it to highly violent and abusive form of sex. Many women are practically hesitant to indulge in bondage sex, though few women have sexual fantasy about bondage. If you are among the men who is struggling to break the ice, we give below useful tips to discuss bondage with your partner.

Start as a suggestion, never force

Show her some erotic story or some porn video that shows the kind of bondage sex that you are keen to try. Ask her how she feels about it. This will help you plant the seeds of bondage sex in the mind of your partner. You can slowly open the topic and discuss when you are sure that she is comfortable. But never, ever force her to a bondage sex without knowing her comfort level, both physically and mentally.

Clear misconceptions

When you feel that your partner shivers at the idea of bondage sex, know that her mind is loaded with misconceptions about it. Bondage isn’t just about whips, chain, domination and pain. There are lots of safe and painless tools for beginners such as silk scarfs and soft handcuffs that can be tried comfortably. You should dispel misconceptions about bondage sex and to make her understand that it is actually a hyper-romantic way to improving the pleasure experienced during lovemaking and strengthening the bond.

Start small

Make sure you are not starting something hard and intimidating straightaway. It is important that both partners find it comfortable during the act. So, start something with simple and non-intimidating things at first and see how your partner responds with each move. As you both find it comfortable, you both can move on to next levels such as using blindfolds, restraints and steel handcuffs. You need to start with soft accessories, to leather BDSM products and then steel as you both are finding the going comfortable.

You start first

Be the first to initiate bondage with your partner. Remember, your partner may be little hesitant to indulge initially. So, you need to start first and calm your partner down. You can start like, “I want you to blindfold me” or “spank me tonight as I wanted to experience how it feels before spank you”. When your partner takes up dominant role, he or she would be ready to do submissive role as well.

Bondage Safety Tips

Bondage sex can be extremely fun but can be dangerous as well. While bondage can help couples enjoy much deeper and powerful orgasm, it can also lead to bleeding injuries, nerve damage and even permanent disability, potentially death due to asphyxiation. So, it is important to follow safety tips thoroughly when you want to enjoy bondage sex.

Have a safe word and / or safe gesture

This is very important. Before indulging in bondage sex, fix up a safe word and / or a safe gesture.

It doesn’t matter how safe you think bondage is, you NEED to set a safe word and a safe gesture before you do anything. Bondage is a game of sex between a dominant and submissive partner. So, the sub will be under control of the dom throughout the game. But chances of dom going overboard and making it truly uncomfortable for sub beyond a point. By consenting to be dominated, the sub has the right to withdraw it at any time when it crosses limits.

When you have a fixed safe word such as ‘Pain’ or ‘Stop’ and when your partner utters that word during the bondage, you should stop it immediately as the entire game of bondage thrives on trust. When you are using something like a gag, which will prevent your partner from uttering the safe word, you can have some kind of a gesture like hand movement or leg shake to express STOP.

Fix the roles before starting

You need to decide before starting that who is going to dominate and who will play the submissive role. Know that you can also switch roles midway and enjoy giving and receiving pleasure through role reversal. However, it is important to decide about roles with your partner so that you both can set limits and expectations to enjoy outstanding pleasure.

Experiment on yourself first

Bondage should be fun, romantic and enjoyable. It should also be safe so that you both can enjoy higher levels of sexual pleasure. Please be informed that bondage tools come with potential injury risks.

For example, when you tie your partner, there is always a potential to cause physical injury such as skin injuries due to friction of the rope, blockage of blood circulation, nerve damage etc., So, it is important to try onto yourself before tying your partner, so that you can be sure that the material is safe to use on your partner. Thus, you can be sure that the material or rope is not abrasive or rough enough to cause any injury on your partner’s skin.

Make a trial first

Many of the bondage sex involve tying up your partner with a rope or some other restraint, which can be risky if you over do or do it incorrectly. Remember, there is no one to teach you or you can’t find a proper ‘how-to’ guide in bondage. So, to know your limits and how hard to tie, you need to make a trial and know about the comfort level of your partner. You may feel that it might lessen the thrill, but making a trial will help you both enjoy a safe bondage pleasure.

Bondage can lead to health issues, nerve damage and even permanent damage if it is not done properly. So, making a trial is going to do a world of good for you and to your partner. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.

If you are a sub, never hesitate to use your safe word or safe gesture even at the slightest hint of discomfort. If you begin to feel numbness or feeling difficult to breathe, then you should stop the play immediately to be safe. If you are a dominant partner, you should always respect the safe word or gesture and stop the play immediately.

Bondage and Restraints for Beginners

If you are a beginner to bondage sex and wanted to know the options available to you, then this information is for you. This article is also demystifying various options available to you to enjoy bondage sex. Bondage starts from as simple as handcuffs and there are countless other options couples can explore as they evolve.

If you are thinking about using rope as a first tool to bondage sex, then we recommend you not to start with a rope as it is not safe, as it could lead to injury due to friction. So, we give below some of the beginner bondage restraints

Silk Sash

Silky sash bondage are ideal for beginners. Silk being a soft and comfortable material, it can be ideally used to restrict your partner’s movement initially. Similarly silk scarves and silk neckties can also be used over your partner as a beginner to bondage. Silk can be easy to untie the material immediately when your partner shows the slightest signs of discomfort.

Fabric Cuffs

When you want to give your partner the thrill of cuffing without the risk of hurting him or her, using fabric cuff can be the safe bet. Fabric cuffs with Velcro can help you restrict the hand movement of your partner effectively and safely. Not only handcuffs, fabric cuffs come in a wide range of options including wrist-to-thigh cuffs, ankle-cuffs, wrist cuffs, wrist-to-ankle cuffs etc.,

Inflatable sex chairs

Inflatable sex chairs with build-in wrist and ankle restraints are made using lightweight PVC and Velcro making them gentle on the skin but highly effective in restricting the movements of your partner. Many have given positive reviews about inflatable sex chairs as awesome tool for beginners to bondage sex. So, it is worth trying to enjoy safe and comfortable bondage sex with your partner.

The Best Bondage Positions for Beginners

As a beginner, you want to try safe and comfortable bondage positions. You don’t want to try something that is risky and can potentially harm your partner. People generally perceive dirty talk, blindfolds and light spanking as an introduction to enter bondage sex territory. However, there are specific positions that can make your bondage sex, lot of sexier and fun.

For all of the following bondage positions, make sure you follow the following safety rules strictly:

Use silk scarves or cuffs with Velcro so that your partner’s skin won’t get damaged
Leave a one-finger-gap between your sub’s skin and the restraint.
To avoid circulatory or nerve issues, avoid restraining the end of your sub’s wrists or ankles – bind further up their forearms or calves.
If using silk, always tie a bow (as if tying a shoelace) so that the tie can be released immediately.

Here’s the top 3 bondage positions for beginners

1. Crab Position

This is a simple yet effective position in which you have to tie your sub’s wrists to their ankles and also bind around their knees and elbows. This is an effective restrictive position as it permits them only to roll on their back and can only open or close their legs. To reduce the risk of pain, you can use silk scarves to bind your partner’s forearms to their legs. If you are a male, this position is excellent for cunnilingus position and if you are a female, this position is ideal for enjoying blow job.

How to do?

Make your sub sit on the floor or bed with their knees bent. You blindfold your partner with a silk scarf or exclusive BDSM blindfold and then hold your partner’s arms next to their knees. Bind the arms against the calves using a silk scarf or Velcro strap.

Advantage

This position allows your partner to expose their genitals allowing you to explore the genitals at your will comfortably.

2. The chair bondage position

As the name indicates, this position involves restricting your partner to a chair. This is an extremely low risk as you can try this position on any comfortable and sturdy chair. If you can afford, you can use an inflatable sex chair with wrist and ankle restraints.

How to do?

You can make your sub sit on the chair and tie the arms on the armrest and ankles to the legs of the chair. If required, you can blindfold your partner to add to the excitement.

Advantage

As the position involves arms and legs remaining wide open, you can explore your partner’s body at your will including genitals.

3. The spread Eagle

This position involves spreading your sub’s arms and legs wide apart making it perfect for beginner level for bondage sex and simple levels of struggle for your partner. This position can be tried in various forms depending on the type of bed, recliner or equipment you have.

- If your bed has firm polls on all corners, then you can tie your arms and legs directors to the beds polls.

- If your bed is without corner posts or frames, then you may have to use a longer pieces of silk or fabric cords to tie your partner’s arms and legs to the bed’s legs.

- You can also buy bed restraint kit online. You can choose the kits with soft and safe materials so that it can be used safely over your partner.

How to do:

Make your sub lie on her bed on a bed and spread her arms and legs wide apart. You can them tie her wrists and ankles to the corners of the bed using a silk fabric. You can add a blindfold or gag to drive your sub’s feelings of suspense as they are left anticipating what you are going to do to her body.

Advantage

This position allows you to explore your partner’s frontal body fully without any interruption as your partner’s hands and legs are tied in an open position.

Ropes, cuffs and other advanced bondage restraints

When you both are ready to experience with bondage kits, then we shall give below some of the important kits that are meant for experienced BDSM players. These restraints allow you to go little overboard and enjoy kinkiest sex with your partner.

1. Bondage rope

Rope is not just a simple equipment, but it can be used even after times. Bondage rope can be used for intense restriction as well. Bondage rope is available in smooth silky and soft nylon that can be effective in restraining your partner’s movement without causing any damage to the skin. By entwining your partner’s arms and legs, you can make him or her enjoy outstanding pleasure. A simple tie of the wrists or ankles lets you experience the sweet pleasure of rope bondage with your partner.

2. Handcuffs

You can start off with a set of real-steel handcuffs to enjoy some intense fun. Unlike silk sashes or fabric cuffs, metal handcuffs let you truly immobilize your partner in strong way. Metal handcuffs come in a huge number of models for couples to choose. Depending on the couple’s sexual appetite, couples can choose handcuffs that are comfortable to them. For couples that are serious about bondage and want to move beyond play-restraints, steel handcuffs are a must-have tool for them to enjoy outstanding pleasure.

3. Neck collar

Neck collar is a powerful restraint, where you can make your partner obey and play to your tunes like an obedient dog. A neck collar and leash set makes the PERFECT accessory for some advanced bondage fun! Remember, this is not meant for beginners as it can seriously restrict your partner requiring some prior experience. You need to choose the collar to fit the neck size of your partner and also a collar with soft materials to make it practically comfortable and doesn’t hurt your partner too much.

The top 3 advanced bondage positions

So you’re ready for the hardest, kinkiest bondage positions available?

You’ve got it! These advanced positions are guaranteed to fire up your levels of passion like nothing else! All three of these moves LOOK as hot as they FEEL making them perfect for people who appreciate the aesthetic stimulation that bondage sex can offer.

Here is our pick for the TOP 3 advanced bondage positions to try!

1. The Waitress

The ‘Waitress’ position is any pose where the sub’s elbows are restrained behind their back but their wrists are restrained in front. As the name suggests, this highly erotic position lets the sub carry a tray of drinks, but not much else!

Technique:

If you want to restrain your partner in the Waitress position using bondage rope, you’ll need to master the Shibari bondage ties known as the Single and Double Column ties, explained in detail here. You’ll use these non-collapsing ties to bind your sub’s upper arms behind their back and place a spreader bar between their lower back and elbows before binding their hands together in front.

A simpler and safer alternative is to use the larger ankle cuffs on a spreader bar to secure your sub’s arms behind their back. You can buy T-shaper spreader bars with neck collars for this very purpose, giving you a less risky alternative to rope. With your sub’s arms unable to move forward, you can secure their wrists with your choice of handcuffs.

Remember:

Don’t cuff your sub at the very end of their wrists. Instead, choose a point a couple inches up from their hands. Always leave a one-finger gap between the cuff and their wrist to reduce the chances of nerve damage.

2. The Chair

If you like doggy style sex, the Chair is one of the best advanced bondage positions for experimenting with rope bondage! In this pose, your sub’s arms and legs will be bound to the chair legs, giving you easy access to whichever part of their body you choose!

Technique

Have your sub lay over a chair seat with their knees on the floor. Tie lengths of bondage rope to each chair leg and then wrap the rope multiple times around your sub’s thighs and upper arms, as shown in the picture. Optionally, you can secure their hand and feet with fabric or steel cuffs, to heighten their sense of vulnerability.

Remember:

While rope offers a more restrictive pose, you can always use silk sashes for a safer alternative.

3. The Reverse Prayer

The reverse prayer tie keeps your sub’s hands together behind their back in an erotic, yet restrictive position that is sure to delight!

Technique:

Guide your sub’s hands behind their back and place them palms together. While there are many more secure and elaborate variants of this position, the simplest and most elegant approach is to use a double-column rope tie. This will secure the sub’s hands in place behind their back.

For a safer, less restrictive alternative to rope, ball-gags with attached wrist cuffs are worth a look. These kits put the sub’s hands in a lower reverse tie position, minimizing the risk of nerve or circulatory damage. Made from fabric, these cuffs are more forgiving than rope and can offer a more comfortable position while still remaining kinky!

The best bondage positions for blow jobs

Once you and your partner have mastered the six incredible bondage positions on our above list, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to know that some bondage positions are IDEAL for some seriously great blow job action!

The best bondage positions for blow jobs are:

The Chair Bondage position
The Spreadeagle
The Crab Tie position
Zeus
The Hogtie

1. The Chair Bondage position

The chair bondage position lends itself perfectly to one of the greatest blow job positions of all time – the Boss’s chair!

Here’s how it’s done:

(Redraw this with the guy strapped into an inflatable sex chair, or just tied onto a standard chair in the chair bondage position).

Technique

For this one, the guy will be the sub, so ladies, pay attention… To give your guy an earth-shattering blow job, tie him to a chair in the chair bondage position. There isn’t a guy alive who will stop his girl from doing this! Kneel between his legs, look him in the eyes and slowly unzip his fly. To get even more dominant with him, try blindfolding him after you’ve tied him up – he’ll love the enhanced sensation as you give him head!

2. The Spread eagle

The spread eagle is another UNBEATABLE bondage position for guys who like to receive head while tied up.

If your guy enjoys being a sub, giving him a blow job in the spread eagle position is sure to tick all the right boxes!

Technique

Okay ladies, so you’ll begin by instructing your sub to lie on the bed and kick things off by forcefully spreading his legs. This lets him know you’re in charge but also lets him relax as you take control. Tie your sub into a spread eagle position on the bed and lie down on your stomach between his legs with your head near his crotch. Give him a blow job he won’t forget by fondling his balls and teasing his legs.

Blindfolding him will not only assert your dominance but will also heighten his other senses, making him quiver with excitement!

3. The Crab Tie position

The crab tie position is great for guys who enjoy taking a more active role during oral sex while their woman is in a submissive position. It’s also perfect for women who love to be eaten out while tied up, in an interesting variation of the Sixty-Nine position known as Yin-Yang.

(Redraw this showing a silk scarf binding the woman’s forearms and calves).

Technique

Instruct your sub to sit on the bed with her knees raised to her chest. Tie her forearms to her calves with your favorite silk sashes, fabric cuffs or bondage rope to put her in the seated crab tie position. Roll her onto her back and drive her legs apart as fully as possible. Kneel down with your knees near her head and rock forward to support your weight on your hands.

From this position, your sub can reach up and start giving you a blow job and you can lower your head to start eating her out.

4. Zeus

Another awesome position for guys who love to be dominant while their woman is immobilized, the Zeus ticks all the right boxes…

(Redraw with the woman’s hands in the Reverse Prayer position behind her back)

Technique

Instruct your sub to kneel on a pillow and sit back on her heels. If you enjoy using bondage rope, you can tie her hands behind her back in the Reverse Prayer position (see above). You can also use silk sashes, fabric cuffs, or whatever else tickles your fancy!

Stand in front of your woman with your legs shoulder-width apart. Take your woman’s head in your hands to control the rhythm and pace of the blow job.

5. The Hogtie

If you’re seeking the ULTIMATE dominant blow job move, this is it! Receiving a blow job from your woman while she’s completely immobilized in this position will rock your world.

Technique

Instruct your sub to lie face down on a sofa or bed and place her hands behind her back. Tie her into a hogtie position using cuffs and a hogtie. Kneel in front of her so that your groin is near her face. Take her head in your hands and encourage her to start giving you head!

Remember:

Your sub will have little control over the depth or pace of the blow job in this position, so always abide by the safe word if it gets too much!

Conclusion

If you were curious about bondage and wanted to learn more about ropes, restraints, ties, positions and blow jobs, then hopefully this guide has answered all of your questions!

Bondage is a VAST area and we’ve only just scratched the surface of what’s possible. Yes, there are thousands of different rope tie positions and other moves that you can learn, but anything you do is at your own risk.

If there’s something that’s caught your interest, like Shibari bondage, then feel free to explore your passion further and consider being properly trained.

With the right safety precautions and tools, bondage can be an exhilarating way to deepen the trust and love between you and your partner.

Good luck!