20 Actionable First Night Tips – For Indian Virgin Brides & Grooms
First night is always going to be exciting and it is the most important and eagerly awaited day in the life of every young men and women. Though it is most awaited, it also makes couples become nervous and anxious.
Many brides enter the first night with gripping fear thanks exaggeration of painful defloration by mainstream media, porn movies and feature films.
For some it could also become awkward due to performance anxiety and over indulgence leading to flash finish. For some, the beans may spill even before starting the game making it awkwardly memorable throughout their lives.
Though Indians spend a great deal of money on weddings, no body advises couples about what to do on first nights. Even though first night after marriage is a tradition that is religiously followed, nobody is ready to talk about it or teach couples about it.
When the memories of first night is going to be etched in our memories forever, the day requires some level of preparedness on the part of bride and groom so that it remains a positive and enjoyable memory throughout their lives.
So, we present some important tips for couples to follow on their first nights to make it eventful and enjoyable and the memories that they can cherish forever.
The tips are meant to break your inhibitions, getting closer to your partner and make your first night experience as enjoyable as it can get.
1. Create Familiarity and Build Sexual Tension
In arranged marriages, which happen for most people in India, it is important to familiarize yourself with your partner. You both should talk to each other quite openly including your sex.
According to psychologists, couples who pay attention to each other have better sexual relationships. So, try to get closer to your partner at every opportunity, touch her hands, rub her fingers, rub your body against hers… you can do all these without others knowledge or creating a big scene in the marriage. When you sit next to her in the dinner table, rub your knees against her.
Do it discreetly in the way that only your partner knows while others don't know what is going on between you two. This little touches and rubs here and there can build sexual tension in both you and she and this can create a burning desire in your bodies for a physical relationship. And thus when you both are in peak of desire, the first night can turn into a special one.
2. Know the person intimately
Talk to your partner and indulge in heart-to-heart talk during your courtship period. Nowadays couples are allowed to talk to each other once the betrothal is completed.
So, instead of chatting 'sweet nothing' share some finer aspects of life including sexual preferences. This can help in you paying attention to her needs and she can reciprocate by making you feel special.
When you know what each other wants and both are open to fulfilling each other's desires in the first night, then it is sure going to be a memorable experience for both you and her.
3. Read Kamasutra before your first night
Don't get us wrong.
We are not suggesting you to try those acrobatic and practically-impossible KamaSutra Positions on your first night.
Rather, the book elucidates that a strong bonding between a man and a woman happens when they can fulfill each other's physical and sensual needs.
Further, Kamasutra is a globally-renowned erotic manual that helps you change your mind towards sex. It helps you train your mind that sex is not a sin and that enjoying sex is a divine gift. Kamasutra clarifies that you need not feel shy about indulging in passionate sex and there is lot to explore in sex. It helps you bridge your understanding between the sacred and the profanity.
4. Don’t worry about Virginity
This is applicable for both men and women. Don't worry about the virginity of your partner, because is nothing more than a state of mind. Don't equate virginity with purity.
A girl can lose virginity without indulging in vaginal sex. So, don't worry about virginity. Being curious and making serious attempts to check and validate virginity can only result in frustration.
First night is the time to explore each other's body and indulging in some joyous moments together. It is not the time for some serious introspection and fault finding.
There is nothing wrong in marrying someone after a failed relationship in the past. The same holds good for both he and she. So, take virginity out of your mind and enjoy the beauty before you.
5. Get yourself groomed well
It is good to meet your partner perfectly groomed on your first night. Remember women always prefer well groomed men and thus it is important for you to get yourself groomed well before entering your first night room. Do remember to keep a tab on your Intimate Hygiene.
Have a nice hair cut, clean and trim your nails, shave or trim your facial hair properly, wear matching and neat clothes, clean your feet, take good care of your skin. Use Mouth Freshners.
6. Stay healthy and know what you are eating
As we have lot of sweets in our weddings, make sure you don’t over indulge and enter your first night room with an upset stomach.
Eat what is required to remain in good health. Avoid cool drinks and make sure you don't catch cold or other minor ailments that may affect your performance during your first night.
This applies for both bride and groom. Both of you should be aware of the most important night and eat accordingly. If you over eat, chances of one of you feel sleepy may also affect the night adversely.
7. Speak up
The enormity of the situation may be too much for some brides that they remain completely numb or at loss of words. Some may be an introvert or too shy to speak up during their first night.
It is important for every bride and groom to come out of their comfort zone and make him or her comfortable by speaking their mind. You should speak when you find something irritating or don't like doing. Talk to your partner about the likes, dreams and preferences openly.
First night is the time to show some tenderness, happiness, togetherness and enjoy each other's touch, smooch, cuddle and everything else. It is not the time to remain shy and feel bad later.
8. Indulge in heart-to-heart conversation
First night is not just the time for you gratify your sensual pleasures. It is also the time to start a lifelong relationship.
You should be completely open to your life partner and tell her all about yourself, your hopes, dreams and future plans.
It is also the time to allow her to share all her expectations and how she is going to join with you in the life journey together. So, there is nothing wrong to pour your heart and remain open to her at all fronts.
It is the perfect time to sow the seeds of a strong relationship.
9. Maintain Eye Contact
Look into her eyes when you talk with her. You must know that eyes don't lie. Further, it is proven that establishing eye contact is the best way to build a rapport and this strengthens the relationship between you and her.
Look at her eyes and speak, you can now whether she likes what you say or not from the very look on her eyes. Always make it a point to talk her by looking at her eyes directly.
If you are a girl and it is not advisable to avoid looking at his eyes out of shyness or anything else.
10. Compliment her
One way to melt down a woman's heart is to compliment her genuinely. Say things that you find appreciable in her.
Compliment about her beautiful face, the way she has dressed and her looks, her body, her smile… just about anything that you find worth complimenting.
This can make her comfortable and she would be at ease to indulge in the love making. Tell her how lucky you feel for being with her and sharing your life with her.
She is sure to feel good about the marriage and you can have a flying start to your life long relationship if you know how to compliment her genuinely.
Don't fake it for the sake of saying something to please her. She can find out and soon things will fizzle out.
11. Laugh it out
Women like men who can make them laugh. Several psychology journals have confirmed that couples who laugh together have a much stronger relationship in the long run compared to those who laugh less.
Laughter is also an indication that you both are enjoying the journey together and it is going to be a smooth sail for both of you.
As the pressures of an elaborate Indian marriages are bound to be burdensome with families, friends, relatives and rituals to attend to, laughter can ease the tensions off your body and make you both feel comfortable.
Laughing together can help you enjoy each other company and make your first night happy and a positive experience, as you both can laugh it off when something turns awkward.
12. Try Aphrodisiacs during dinner
When you are sure about having sex in the first night, then there is no harm in eating fruits, nuts and vegetables that have aphrodisiac properties.
Eggs, onions, oysters, ladies finger, apple, honey, ginger, banana, garlic, coconut, cinnamon are some of the commonly available items with aphrodisiac properties that you can try without anyone knowing that you are loading yourself with sexual stimulants.
This can help you enjoy a strong performance. Making it a habit to have these aphrodisiacs regularly can help you enjoy a healthy sex life for a long period.
13. Plan for protection
When you are sure of having sex on your first night, then it is important to plan for protection.
When you both have decided to postpone pregnancy, then you have start off with a protection and easiest could be the condom.
So, carry a condom in the room and make sure you use it before the holy dip.
Alternatively, you both can consult a gynec or a marriage counselor and make a clear plan to postpone your pregnancy.
You can choose a range of condom from condombazaar.com online and ideally can try 'thin' condoms as they can help you enjoy a near natural skinny dipping experience.
14. Use a water based Lubricant
As sex is first time for you and her, it is not a bad idea to use a lubricant during your first night.
Lubricants can make your penetration an ultra-smooth experience allowing her to enjoy physical intimacy without any pain or discomfort during her first night.
Ideally you can choose a water-based lubricant as it can be washed off easily and it won't stain your cloth or bed sheet, so that no one else will know whether you have used a lubricant or not.
15. Leave your past relationships behind
First night is not the right time to discuss or share about your past relationship related agonies. It is the time to start a relationship afresh and bragging about your bad past will put everything to a bad taste.
So, whatever may be your past, leave it outside the room and enter the room with a fresh and cheerful mind as you are going to being a lifelong relationship and going to share your life with someone who has lovingly married you for your values and for who you are.
So, don’t burden him or her with your painful past and pour the bitter liquid and spoil the night. Yes, you need to be honest and open with your partner and can share all that bothering you at a later time and certainly not on your first night.
16. Take the advice of your experienced friends
If you are nervous about what to do and how to handle your first night, talk to your experienced friends or elders in your family.
You should choose a person who you can be comfortable and who will never make an issue out of your genuine concerns.
Despite aunts and double entendres from your uncles, aunts and elder cousins, you should find someone who can offer you help and make you comfortable by understanding your concerns.
It would certainly be reassuring to get advice from someone with experience. So don't hesitate to take help from him or her if you are sure about that person.
17. Maintain a positive vibe before the first night
Stay positive during the wedding day. Surround yourself with positive people and remain positive.
Never allow anyone to spoil your day with unnecessary negative thoughts or ideas. Be sure that your first night is going to be positive as it is the starting point of a joyous life together with someone you love.
So, don't worry and be positive. If required, listen to some romantic songs from your mobile using your headphone so that no one knows what you are listening to.
When you have positive thoughts, it will automatically create a positive vibration. Your positivity will make her feel good and thus your first night can begin on a positive note.
18. Wear a comfortable outfit
What to wear during your first night is a big question and many couples don't know exactly what to wear.
Gone are the days when the bride would enter the bedroom wearing pattu saree and loads of jewellery. Now the bride can choose a comfortable and soft saree or churidhar while the groom can wear dhoti and shirt, which is comfortable by all means.
You need to have the best, preferably brand new lingerie according to your taste and something that can enhance your sex appeal and make you look incredibly attractive to your partner.
Try condombazaar.com for various lingerie models to choose from.
19. The art of arousal
This is about preparing her for a sensual sexual intercourse on the first night. Though you must be aware of this by every chance, we want to give you a step-by-step process as you may be too anxious or out of over zeal could do things much faster and spill the beans even before she realizes what has happened.
Handle her gently:
Start slow, after all she is going to be with you throughout your life and you both can have innumerable occasions to enjoy sex.
So, there is no need to rush. You have to start slow and make sure she finds comfortable at every stage.
Start with a kiss and women in general loved to be kissed. Don't start off on her lips. Start by kissing on her cheeks and then move on to her lips, only when you know that she is ready for a lip lock.
Kiss on her neck line, which will arouse her beyond your imagination. A lip kiss can be sensual, but kissing on her neck line can set her on fire. Read our guide "Kissurtra" for more knowledge on the art of kissing.
Many men are worried whether they can dirty talk to their wives on the first night?
The answer is yes and no. If you both are familiar with each other and know very well about her, then a little dirty talk is permitted. You can tell her some dirty jokes to ease her.
But if you are in an arranged marriage and know less about your partner, then dirty talk can spoil the show. You can decide based on her comfort level.
She should not cast a bad image about you on the first night with you.
Know that men and women have different durations in achieving an orgasm.
According to medical reports, men in general may take anywhere from 2 to 10 minutes to achieve orgasm, where as for women it may take upto 20 minutes.
But orgasm is directly dependent on the intensity of the arousal. So, if you can arouse her by indulging in foreplay for a longer time, then you both can achieve simultaneous orgasm.
And this requires patience and practice on your part. You need to understand her rhythm and ensure you arouse her to the point that she enjoys and then stick your guns. Otherwise you may enjoy an orgasm and she may only have perspiration.
So, don't expect any fireworks from her on your first night as it is first time for you and her. You can master it by practice. Things will improve over time as you both must become comfortable with each other physically.
20. Avoid over expectation
Don't imagine that you are going to have a steamy Hollywood or sensual Bollywood style sex on your first night. Understand that movies are not real and all that actions that you see are staged by well trained actors.
If you try anything of that sort, you will not only make a fool of yourself, but you might end up hurting her to a great extent.
Remember men and women think about sex differently. Women need to connect with the person first and then she may opt to have sex.
Don't assume that she is your property and you can do whatever with her. Know that she needs time to know you before agreeing to sleep with you. So, give her time and see whether she is ready for a sex on the first night.
Chances are that hectic Indian weddings can make bride and groom become too tired and they may hardly have time to voice out their wishes. She may find time only in the bedroom to tell her whether she wants sex or not.
She may not have had an opportunity to discuss about it during the wedding.
So, see whether she is ready for sex and if you find her looking tired and/or not ready for an action packed night, then it is advisable to let her sleep and then you both can have a nice time during your honeymoon.
Remember, first night is more a ritual in India and you should respect her mood.
Additional First Night Sex Tips for Virgin Brides
First night is a very special day in everyone's life. It is the day you must have dreamt about and looking forward to. But it is common for every bride to get a mixed bag of feeling actually when first night approaches.
The feeling can be weird, strange, exciting and wonderful. Though you may know what is going to happen, you cannot avoid feeling little anxious and a mild sense of fear coming over when you are a virgin.
Losing your virginity is certainly a memorable occasion. But losing it in a marriage setting is good in a way that it prevents you from carrying guilt baggage.
So, the experience can be positive, fun and wonderful if you are little prepared. If you are anxious and carry an overdose of fear, it could be painful and forever itched in your mind as an unpleasant experience.
There are ways to make your first (night) sex, a tender, loving and gratifying experience.
So, we shall give you some practical tips to make your first night a pleasurable experience.
a. Will it be painful?
The first thing that clouds every young bride's mind is the thought
'Will it be a painful experience?'.
No. it is not.
But if you are getting that feeling, don't worry, you are not alone.
Blame it on the media and porn site. It is commonly projected that first time sex is always a painful one and a bloody encounter.
She is shown to scream in pain and blood dripping down her organ.
Remember, it is not the case always. Vagina is a wonderful organ and there is sufficient production of natural lubrication to allow women to enjoy sex.
In today's lifestyle hymen breaks due to cycling and other physical activities, so a woman need not fear about hymen rupture during first sexual encounter.Hymenis a highly sensitive and very thin strip, which can break easily when a woman is relaxed and enjoys her penetration experience.
So, only those women who are too anxious and who assume sex as a painful experience out of ignorance or media portrayal may experience pain during first sex. So, you need not worry about pain during your first sex.
Just enjoy your time and allow the penetration to happen happily. Believe us, it is going to be a smooth flow and there is practically no pain.
Even if there is a slight pain, the enormity of the joy can overshadow that instantaneous, quick and pricking pain.
b. Talk to your partner
First night is also the time for you to pour your heart and share your hopes and fears to your partner. When you are nervous, you tend to keep it silent and not open up.
So, it is important to feel relaxed and make up your mind to talk to him before entering the bedroom. Share with him openly about how you feel with every move. When you feel that he is holding you too hard that it pains you, tell him to be little gentle.
Don't worry about what he will feel about you. It is common in India that parents and relatives advice the girl to adjust to the advances of the groom.
But as you are going to share your life with him, there is no need to feel hesitant. You can talk to him freely and slow him down if you feel that he is too intense and allow the penetration to happen when you are physically and mentally ready.
Pregnancy is the next thing that you have to plan before indulging in your first night sex. If you want to delay your pregnancy for some time, talk to him and discuss about using contraception. Make sure he understands the importance of safe sex.
If that is important you both should have visited a pre-wedding counselor. Don’t feel embarrassed or nervous to talk to your partner about your preferences under the sheet.
c. Ask him not to rush
If you are partner is rushing and eager to throw him onto you, just hold him. Tell him that it is important for you to have a heart-to-heart chat before the holy dip.
Calm him down with your love and care. Share some lighter moments with him and ask him to make it as tender and as gentle as possible.
When you both are mentally aligned and love each other intensely, then your first night experience can be a memorable one for you and him.
d. Use a lube
It is not a bad idea to use lubrication for your first time sex.
Traditionally in India, a small amount of coconut oil is usually placed in the first night bedroom along with sweets and milk. The coconut oil is intended to serve as lubrication and allow couples to enjoy a smooth glide during their first encounter.
So, there is no harm in trying a lube. This can bring down your fear factor and make it an enjoyable affair for you both.
e. Expect it to be special, not perfect
There is no cardinal rule or global manual for the perfect sex.
Each couple is different and everyone has their own first time experience. There could be some embarrassing, awkward or otherwise unusual moments on the first night.
Accept them and don't allow them to bother you too much. As you both could be laughing about them throughout your life. Remember, your partner too might be anxious and nervous.
The first night throws you to make each other special in lot more ways other than penetration. So, don't expect it to look like how it is shown in films as they are orchestrated and unreal.
Sex too needs time to master.
So, it is important to enjoy the moment and not to expect it to be perfect. Because what you are assuming as perfect is only imaginary.
f. Don’t worry if you don’t get orgasm
You may not climax during your first night as your partner may end the game too soon because of anxiety and rush of emotions.
Sex can get better with time and trial.
The more you both indulge in it, better it gets. So, don't burden yourself with orgasmic expectations during your first night.
So, enjoy your first night, enjoy every single moment as the day can be itched in your mind forever. Make it as special as possible.
Happy married life.